Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Fatherhood and Youth Ministry



I was a youth minister for about 4 1/2 years before I became a father. My oldest daughter is now almost two years old, and I can honestly say that the first 4 1/2 years were a LOT different for me than the last two have been. I resonate with Brooklyn Lindsey's thoughts on the subject (below) when she says, "I was able to give differently in youth ministry before having children, ways that I often miss now." Of course, she is talking about being a mom and a youth minister, which is a whole different story, but I, too, miss some of the earlier days of youth ministry. A few Sundays ago, a group of students invited me to join them for Taco Bell after church. I was headed home to have a late lunch with my wife and hang out with my oldest daughter after her nap. Would my wife have understood if I had said "yes" to the invitation? You bet. She's been a youth ministry volunteer longer than I've been a Christian and leads a small group of middle school girls at our church. She knows that a lot of valuable ministry happens during those moments. However, I have been learning to say no to some of these invitations, because I have a very important ministry at home: my family. (Not to mention the fact that Sunday afternoons in front of Denver Broncos games with my daughter Bethany are becoming one of my favorite times of the week. Sure, we play more than we watch, but having time to relax with my family is all too rare.)

Now that we have another daughter that's almost a month old, I'm interested to see how ministry will continue to change for me. It's already been an interesting ride, because Samantha has spent the last three weeks in the hospital, and she'll be there at least another three days. Since she's been stable most of the time, Jennifer and I have taken shifts at the hospital so that I can do some ministry and spend time with Bethany, our oldest. But there's no doubt that youth ministry as I knew it a few years ago is long gone. Late night conversations at the local coffee shop (Starbucks staff really means it when they say it's closing time) happen a lot less frequently, and after weekend evening events, I'm more likely to head home than hang out with some youth at the local Denny's. Sure, I hope to still be doing this in about twenty or thirty years when all of our kids have graduated, but by then, I'll have less energy to go with the additional time. In the mean time, I'll still do lock-ins and overnighters, I'll still do crazy things like play airsoft or ski down double-black diamond runs I have no business being on, and I'll still sleep with my cell phone by my bed when I'm not on vacation, because teenagers rarely seem to have the worst crises during my office hours. I'm still not sure what all these changes mean for ministry, but I do know I'm enjoying the journey, even if it's a bit different from the way it used to be.

Anyways, here's what inspired me to write this post:

I’m not saying that you become a better youth minister when you have children, because I was able to give differently in youth ministry before having children, ways that I often miss now (i.e. staying up all night telling scary stories in a tent during the fall retreat) However, I am saying that having children gives us new insight. Just like traveling to another culture where we learn new things and come back looking at life differently, it’s the same for youth ministers who become parents, we start seeing things through a different lens.


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