Dear Youth Pastor:
This week, I received a crushing blow from one of my students. At least, I thought she was one of my students. Let me try to sort the details out.
Cindy had been coming to our church youth group for about a year. She'd been pretty committed, and I thought she was one of our core students. She came to our Sunday morning Sunday School, was a part of a small group, always attended "CLUB Jesus" (our Wednesday night event), and usually went with us on Sunday mornings to breakfast when we'd skip out of worship service every other week.
Last month, she only came to one of our CLUB Jesus nights. I figured that she was grounded again, but when I asked her about it a couple of days ago, she admitted that she had been attending another church's Wednesday night program.
I tried to hold it together, but I think my face betrayed me, because she quickly started trying to explain. She said that she really liked our church, but her friend had invited her to her church's Bible study on Wednesday nights. She really felt like she fit into the smaller setting, and would probably keep going to it with her friend. She tried to soften the blow by committing to being at our church on Sundays, but the damage was done. Where did I go wrong? Was it something I did?
Sincerely,
Broken-Hearted in Broken Arrow
Broken-Hearted:
I know this may not help right now, but this happens to all youth pastors at some point. None of us are immune. Sometimes, things don't go our way, and we lose a kid--to another church, of all places! It's important for you to be able to move past this and look to the future, so that this kind of thing rarely--if ever--happens again. Here are some things you can do:
- Keep your priorities in order. Your job is to grow the biggest youth group possible. It sounds like you lost just one student, so make sure you go over your attendance numbers again, and keep letting your students and your church know just how many students are coming to your ministry. If numbers are down a bit, try having a big, free event with food that lots of students are sure to come to. It's best not to make it too preachy or bring up Jesus much, if at all.
- Remember, youth ministry is a competition between you and all the other churches in town. It's easy to get complacent when things are going well, so you need to always be on the lookout for the coolest event, and you need to continually up the ante to keep your youth ministry as the most relevant youth ministry around.
- If you sense that your students have lost sight of why your youth group exists (which, of course, is to be the biggest ever), make sure you continue to reiterate that their spiritual health is dependent on how committed they are to the youth ministry. You might also need to check around and see if other students are attending another youth group during the week, an adult Bible class at your church, or even a Bible study before school hosted by another church in your area.
I'm sorry you've had to go through this, but it will make you stronger in the long run. Just keep your eye on the prize (bragging rights), and things will turn out okay.
Sincerely,
Youth Pastor
Dear Youth Pastor is a public service to the good people who read this blog, and letters are published every Thursday. To ask Youth Pastor a question, just email him at DearYouthPastor@hotmail.com.
