Dear Youth Pastor:
One of our elders stopped me in the hall this Sunday after church. It was kind of an uncomfortable exchange, because he wanted to have a conversation with me, and I'm not used to talking with anyone in our church besides teenagers. After asking me how ministry was going, he said, "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" I said "sure," hoping it wasn't yet another comment about my skinny jeans. Instead, he asked how my wife was doing. I wasn't sure how to answer, because I couldn't remember the last time she and I had a conversation together with our three kids interrupting. "I don't mean to pry," he continued, "I just noticed she was flustered a bit this morning checking the kids into Sunday School, and I know you've been away from home every night this week at youth group, the elder meeting, and three basketball games, not to mention the youth retreat this past weekend. I just want you to know that if you need to take some time off to reconnect with your family, you've got the full support of the elders and the senior pastor."
Take some time off? At first, I wasn't sure I heard him right. I mean, it's tough work, but youth ministry takes sacrifice. Why wouldn't he want me to spend so much time at church? Isn't my first priority to be a youth pastor, and then a husband and father? What am I missing here?
Sincerely,
Hard-Nosed in Halifax
Hard-Nosed:
I have received several letters to this effect, so know that you are not alone. Quite simply, people just don't understand what the life of a youth pastor is like. It is not a 9-to-5 job, but rather a life of lock-ins, football games, youth group, mission trips, weekend retreats, leading multiple small groups, and countless crazy late-nights hanging out with teenagers--and trying to pretend you are one for the sake of the gospel.
You simply need to understand that sacrificing one's family is just a part of being a pastor, especially a youth pastor. Great examples of men who selflessly and courageously put their ministries before their families include John Wesley, who never actually lived in the same house as his wife, and David Livingstone, who had a daughter he may have only seen once in her lifetime. These men were never slowed down by family concerns, and each have statues of themselves at Christian colleges and in front of churches, so you know that everything they did must have been good and honorable.
One more thing: Since your kids are growing up so closely connected to church and ministry, you don't need to worry so much about them. If your church does it's job--which is to completely shape and mold the faith and spiritual life of your kids--then everything will turn out okay. Everyone knows that pastors kids are more spiritual than everyone else, and so they'll be just fine with only minimal parental involvement. Perhaps they'll grow to appreciate your sacrifice, and grow up to be just like you!
Sincerely,
Youth Pastor
Dear Youth Pastor is a public service to the good people who read this blog, and letters are published every Thursday. To ask Youth Pastor a question, just email him at DearYouthPastor@hotmail.com.
