I've had a growing unease these past few weeks that my students don't see me as one of "them." I've always worked hard at making sure they know that they could trust me because even though I'm no longer in high school, I still listen to the music they like, dress they way they do, and I love to destroy them in "Call of Duty." However, I've picked up on a few non-verbal clues that tell me they are beginning to see me as an adult: They've started asking to change my Sirius radio station when they get in my car, I don't get asked to hang out with them on Friday nights anymore, and just last week, a group of three students quickly hushed their conversation when I walked into the room! What can I do to regain my "edge" and show my students that I'm still relevant?
Sincerely,
Cool-less in Clearwater
Cool-less:
You have touched upon one of the biggest challenges in youth ministry: staying relevant as you age. It's a problem we all encounter but few of us are willing to really face up to. Thankfully, we do not have to lose our edge as we age. It does get challenging to remain relevant as get older, but with a little effort, we do not have to be relegated to actually sitting with other adults during church services (which we all know are not as cool as the "edgy" youth services we provide for our kids). For instance:
- When in conversations with groups of kids before or after youth group, loudly talk about a movie or music that you know their parents disapprove of in a positive light. Talk about how adults don't understand a particular genre of music or how it really is possible to enjoy music with questionable lyrics because you don't really listen to the words of the songs. While we're on the subject of parents, any time that you can show that you would be a better and cooler parent than a kid's actual parents is a gold mine of being seen as relevant in a teenager's eyes.
- The occasional disparaging comment about your senior pastor's preaching will let youth know that you totally relate to how bored they are in church. If you do this, however, keep this in mind: it's best not to do it over email or text (unless, of course, you use texting shorthand that your senior pastor wouldn't be able to decipher), because these electronic communications might be used at a later time as grounds for your dismissal. If word does get back to your senior pastor, just tell him that your words were slang and were actually complements (you know, like "bad" or "phat").
- Don't be afraid to throw out a casual swear word in everyday conversation with youth. Nothing that will get you fired, of course, but show students that you're still "with it" with some colorful language every so often. Using swear words will also show that you really mean what you are saying.
When all else fails, show favoritism to the "cool" kids. Give them first dibs on all the snacks at youth group, and choose them for leadership positions regardless of their spiritual maturity. You might be able to win enough of their favor to be seen as "cool" by the rest of the group.
With any luck, you'll be right back in the good graces of the kids in your youth group. Stay cool, and stay relevant.
Sincerely,
Youth Pastor
Dear Youth Pastor is a public service to the good people who read this blog, and letters are published every Thursday. To ask Youth Pastor a question, just email him at DearYouthPastor@hotmail.com.
