Three Commitments I Want to Make to My Kids

My sweet, sweet girls

A couple of weeks ago, some (very public) discipline issues in our family got me thinking about how I'd like to handle such situations as our girls continue to get older. As I continued to ponder other parenting situations I might face as my kids grow older, I compiled a short list of three commitments I want to make to my kids when it comes to some situations that can often be very stressful for families. Obviously, it's not a complete list, but I thought I'd share it here:

1) That I won't ever be embarrassed of them when they get in trouble.
As a youth pastor, a tough thing I have to do sometimes is to call or talk with parents when their teenager broke a major rule at an event or mistreated another student. It's not usually a fun thing in itself, but what makes it really painful is when parents seem more concerned about and embarrassed by how their child's poor choice reflects on them as a parent than they are about what their child actually did. I never want my girls to feel like I'm embarrassed of them, even when their misdeed occurs in a very public way--such as when I have to be called away from what I'm doing as a pastor because one of my sweet girls threw a chair in their children's ministry classroom. While I may be disappointed in my kids' actions sometimes, I pledge never to be embarrassed or ashamed of them as people.

2) That I will be gentle with them when they fail.
This one will be the toughest one for me as a dad. Somehow, I started fatherhood already well-stocked with a large number of "you should have seen that coming" or "I told you it would happen that way" lectures in my mental filing cabinet. I have failed a great deal in my own life, and God has always been gentle with me, even in his chastisement. I want to be that kind of dad. When my kids fail, I pledge to always lead with a hug and not with a lecture.

3) That I will trust them when they believe they are following God's lead in making a major decision.
So far, Jennifer and I have two children, both girls. I don't know what other children God will bring us, but already in our small family, we have an others-centered Bethany who I truly believe would travel halfway around the world if she thought it would help just one person. We also have a fiery, determined Samantha who will do whatever it takes to complete a task her heart is set on, no matter the cost. I can already see the day coming when each will believe that God is leading them to do something that Jennifer and I aren't entirely comfortable with (and that neither of us can find a biblical reason for them not to do). Though it will be difficult to allow them to take their own risks for Jesus, I pledge in such situations to do everything I can to help them follow God's lead, even if it means simply stepping out of the way.

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